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Move Over Affairs: Nearly Half Have Cheated on Their Partner With Money
The betrayal that ends relationships is moving from the phone to the bank account. New research finds hiding money is now more common than hiding an affair.
A survey of 1,500 adults in relationships, commissioned by Casinos Analyzer, found that 46% have committed financial infidelity: hiding a purchase, a debt or their spending from a partner. That edges out the 44% who admit to cheating physically or emotionally. Casinos Analyzer calls it "Spendcheating."
Key findings:
- 46% have hidden a purchase, debt or spending from their partner
- 44% admit to physical or emotional cheating, so money is now the bigger secret
- 34% say summer is when their secret spending is at its worst
- 11% have secretly spent money on someone else, from gifts to meals
- 304% rise in searches for "hide credit card", with "hide amazon orders" up 179%
The affair nobody`s watching for
Ask anyone to picture cheating and they`ll picture a phone lighting up with the wrong name. Almost nobody pictures a bank statement. Yet the data flips that instinct: 46% admit to hiding money from a partner, against 44% who confess to a physical or emotional affair. For the first time, the financial secret is the more common one, and it`s the one hardly anyone is looking for.
The reason it slips under the radar is that it looks so ordinary. A purchase that felt a little indulgent. A balance that crept higher than planned. A number kept quiet not out of malice, but to sidestep an awkward conversation. Each one is minor. Together, kept in the dark, they curdle into something that feels a lot like betrayal when it surfaces.
Peak season for a secret splurge
The habit has a calendar, and it peaks when the sun comes out. A third of respondents (34%) say their secret spending is worst in summer, as holidays, festivals and long days out loosen the purse strings. The categories people hide read like a season`s receipts: nights out lead at 29%, a fresh summer wardrobe follows at 24%, and the real price of a holiday or upgrade lands at 21%.
One number breaks the pattern of harmless overspend. Some 11% admit to secretly spending money on someone else, from gifts to meals, a secret that rarely stays purely financial for long.
Why the money is never really the point
Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a relationship therapist, says the lasting damage has little to do with the sum involved. "Most people believe infidelity only exists in physical form, but often forget the concept of financial infidelity," she says. "In my work with couples, I often see that financial infidelity is much more common than one would think. It can show up in many forms, such as hiding a large purchase, funneling money to a secret bank account, lying about debt, or hiding investments and savings. The partner who discovers it may experience a range of emotions, such as anger or shock. Quite often, a person poses a rhetorical question of what else is there that I am not aware of. Over time, one awkward conversation can add up to a full-scale crisis. Therefore, the unresolved issue that needs to be looked at is the deception and loss of trust."
The one thing that separates safe from sorry
None of this is an argument against separate accounts. Plenty of couples keep their money apart and never keep a secret, because the account was never the problem. The disclosure is. A hidden spend only has power while it stays hidden, and the couples who talk plainly about what they earn, owe and spend are the ones who never have to explain a receipt after the fact.
Survey of 1,500 US and UK adults in a relationship, commissioned by Casinos Analyzer, a casino research platform, as part of its ongoing research into modern relationships.
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